I recently apologized to a lot of people about the person I used to be.
It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
It was hard because I had lived for so long trying to justify myself and my actions, even though part of me knew I was wrong throughout all that time.
It was hard because I felt that I was right to treat people the way I did because rather than admit my own insecurities, it was so much easier to repress them and lock them away inside of me so that even though I could never be rid of them, I could at least ensure that they couldn’t hurt me.
I told myself so often, so frequently, so consistently, that if I just learned to live with my insecurities and my self-doubts and my inner fears, at least then, the wouldn’t be a problem for me anymore.
I thought I could control them and subdue them and that maybe if I succeeded,…. my life would somehow get better.
But I was wrong.
Giving into my fear didn’t enable me to control it, it only allowed to completely consume me because I had willingly given it control over my life.
I hurt my friends, and I hurt myself much worse.
But it’s only now that I have repented for my past mistakes that I’m finally able to move past them.
If you reading this and you are one of the people I apologized too, know that I truly do mean every word I said but also know that I didn’t apologize just for you… I did it for myself as well.
It takes a lot to admit you’re wrong to yourself.
But it takes so much more to admit you’re wrong to the people you hurt.
When we repent to anyone, especially to God, we never do it just because we want to make the people we hurt feel better, we do it because we recognize that we as individuals need to make a change in our lives.
Telling someone you’re sorry without being willing to make a change in your life is nothing but nice words with no substance.
We repent to others not just to express our sorrow for our past transgressions, but also to communicate our willingness to do better for the people we wronged.
We make the commitment to change ourselves not just so that the people we care about don’t have to be afraid of us hurting them again, we do it so that we ourselves can rest easy knowing that the door to our past selves has been slammed shut so that we can live the lives we want to live without the fear of repeating past mistakes or the agonizing guilt of past misdeeds.
The power of repentance is that it makes us better people.
I’m a better person, and I hope that through your continuous acts of repentance, you will be a better person too.
Thank you all and stay tuned, because I’m not finished yet.
I’m just getting started.